The Subtle Hunger of the Shadows
by Faoi Na Realtai
Summary: Yugi's just a little too giving sometimes.
1. Generosity

**The Subtle Hunger of the Shadows**

Disclaimer: I own the poem below, but not Yugioh.

_Gray faded in_

_To darker Gray_

_Fading to deepest Black_

_Which wound around my finger_

_And curled in thought_

_I danced in Shadow_

_Creeping back only when_

_It terrified me_

_Creeping forward whenever_

_I became bored_

_Darkness entombed me softly, with compassion and worry_

_And I it allowed it without even a whimper._

I don't know when Yugi started acting different.

It might have been as long ago as the Orichalcos mess, but the Pharaoh having been separated from Yugi meant one would've expected him to act different.

It might have been around the week of the Ceremonial Duel, but he was losing Atem, so none of us expected he would be okay. There was tension that whole week, an expectation of an ending that didn't come. Instead, it turned out Yugi could keep the puzzle and we could all keep Atem, even if he had to stay in the puzzle. Things seemed so wonderful that if they behaved strangely, none of us could have seen it. We were too glad then to see anything could be amiss, now that we had won our happy ending.

I think I really suspected something was wrong I beat him at Duel Monsters, but now I wonder how many signs had I missed that something was wrong?

Whenever it was, Yugi hasn't been the same.

Atem comes out more often now. He eats lunch with us, I see him in history class, though I think it's Yugi who falls asleep in math class. When we go to the arcade, it's usually Atem who's with us and I don't think I've heard Yugi suggest to go to Burger World in at least two months. Atem doesn't like burgers.

Yugi, whenever he is out, is almost always sleeping or staring off into space. He doesn't act as though anything is different, at least during the few times we actually get to talk to him, but I think he doesn't want the Pharaoh in control so often. He smiles too wide, and asks about how we're doing as though he might not see us again for a very long time. I think he misses us, especially Tea and Joey, but he can't stand up to his darker half. It's hard to tell, not being in their inner circle.

Maybe it's even for the best that he's not out for long because somehow, every time Yugi's out for very long, we find ourselves in danger again. Usually a dark spirit will pop up and one of us will get really hurt, but sometimes it's something else. Atem will deal with it, and for a while I don't even see Yugi in math class. Last time we visited Joey in the hospital for one such occasion. I saw Yugi for all of thirty seconds before Atem was out again, standing where Yugi should be standing.

I might not have noticed if Joey hadn't. He started yelling at the Pharaoh that he needed time with his little buddy too and Yami needed to chill and let Yugi be with his friends for a bit. So Yugi came out for a while. I was surprised to see someone else had noticed, but I let it drop for the time being because Yami had backed off, and it wasn't really the time to talk about it.

Joey, being Joey, stopped paying attention when he was satisfied Yugi was back, like they both knew he would. For a couple days, Yugi was out all the time and he seemed genuinely happy, but as soon as Joey was out of the hospital, they started going back to the same routine, especially when Joey wasn't around.

Now I haven't seen Yugi for a really long time, and the others don't seem to have noticed. It's as if Atem has completely taken Yugi's place, and Yugi's three closest friends let it happen.

...

I suppose I should be shocked I'm not going through the same situation, after what my yami put me through, but since the Ceremonial Duel, he's been much more decent. It seems that Zorc was influencing him all along, and while he still grieves his village and despises Atem's father, he doesn't loathe Atem the same way he used to.

He is the one who pointed out what was happening to Yugi first, though at the time I thought he was just putting the Pharoah down. The night after the Ceremonial Duel, when Atem was celebrating with all of Yugi's friends and I faded into the background as usual, my yami whispered, "The Pharoah will be the destruction of his hikari."

After Yugi lost a game to me, I asked my yami what he had meant then.

"It's quite simple actually. The Pharoah was worshipped, adored, and the center of attention for the entirety of his human existence. Now he's expected to do with less than half a life, watching Yugi live while he continues his existence, trapped in an old artifact. The Pharoah won't be able to live with that, no matter how he tries. He'll end up consuming his hikari's life without realizing it, just like his adventure consumed him. In the end I doubt he'll even realize what he's done," he finished gravely.

I stared in shock at my darker half, realizing he was right, but left with no clue what to do. I was no hero, and not even really a close friend of Yugi's. I wasn't sure I had the right to interfere.

When Atem stopped wearing the puzzle, I knew I had made a mistake. I hadn't said anything when a life depended on it, and Yugi was murdered in a far greater way than if he had really been died. His body still breathed, but his friends had forgotten about him and he had been evicted. My darker half confirmed that meant Yugi was gone, not residing in the puzzle, but on to the afterlife. He wouldn't have been allowed to reside in the Pharaoh's soul room. If Atem was using the body by himself and without the puzzle, Yugi wouldn't be coming back.

Yugi had been lost, and not one person was not to blame.

A/N: I'm not sure I'm happy with this, but it's been sitting in my computer for a while, so I decided to publish it anyway. I'm also considering doing this with a happier ending where Yugi's friends do interfere, but I'm not sure how to do that without making it seem melodramatic, and it would kind of ruin the point of the story, since it's supposed to be about Atem taking over Yugi's life without really meaning too. Anyway, let me know what you think.


	2. Irony

A/N: I do not own Yugioh.

"_What have I done?_  
><em>What have I done?<em>  
><em>How could I...<em>  
>...Be so blind?"<p>

— **Jack**, _The Nightmare Before Christmas_

Bakura moved away last week.

For a while he stopped hanging with the gang, and then finally he came right up to me, Joey, Tristan and Atem and screamed, "Don't you even know what you did? You killed Yugi! We all did! Everyone single bloody one of us went and murdered the poor kid and his memory by letting his yami take his place! I can't live with myself anymore. I'm going back home, and you bloody idiots can deal with the fact you murdered Yugi!" Then he ran away from us. We didn't get a chance to ask him what he meant, because he didn't come back to school the next day.

At first it seemed weird and really out of character for him. What did he mean we murdered Yugi? Yugi was right there with us, like always . . .

And then we realized no, he wasn't.

For a while we had put the two together in our minds, but Atem wasn't Yugi. Atem was a spirit, thousands of years old, who used to reside in a golden puzzle Yugi had put together. Yugi liked burgers while Atem didn't, and Yugi used to be bullied every day. I used to protect him from Joey and Tristan, who were two of the bullies. Yugi was really sweet and sensitive, the kind of person you could go to if you were having a major issue and just needed someone to talk to.

Atem wasn't like Yugi at all. He never would have been bullied and he made you want to go out and do things; he really wasn't much for just sitting and talking about stuff. The biggest thing they had had in commmon was that they were both good at games, but even their approach to gaming was different. Atem was fierce, while Yugi was more subtle. The more I thought about it, the more horrified I was that they could have become confused in my mind. At least with Joey and Tristan, they hadn't known Yugi as long as I had. Even if Joey was Yugi's best friend, I was his first one. I should never have forgotten who he was.

How could we ever forget Yugi?

Joey was as upset as I was, and he positively roared about how stupid he was to not notice Yugi wasn't around.

"How could this have happened?" he'd yell. "The little guy's quiet, but there's no way we shoulda just forgotten him like that!"

Tristan wasn't quite as vocal as Joey, but he shouted his agreement to Joey's every word. As for me, I couldn't help thinking this made us lousy friends, and that shut me up from saying anything. I was always the first to extol the virtues of friendship, and yet I let Yugi slip through the cracks. When all the evils of the world had come down on us we hadn't let them touch him, but our neglect of him had chased him away.

The irony of that stung.

Still, none of this meant Yugi was dead. Just because we hadn't seen him in a couple of months didn't mean he could be gone, right?

So we all agreed on the following day, we were going to talk to Atem about this. We'd make sure Yugi was okay, and then we'd work out something so this wouldn't happen again. It would be fine.

The next day, Atem came to school with dark circles under his eyes, clutching the Puzzle like it held a dead friend, but Joey and Tristan didn't notice.

"Hey, Atem, what Bakura said reminded us we hadn't seen Yugi for a while. Could you let him out? We miss him," Joey said, while Tristan nodded in agreement.

"No, Joey. He can't ever come out again. Bakura was right," he said softly.

"Wait . . . what are you saying, Pharoah?" Joey said, reverting to the old title because it was painful to think of him as Atem right now. Atem was our friend, not a creepy spirit who stole other people's bodies.

"Where's Yugi?" I said, though I already sensed the answer would be what we wouldn't want to hear.

The Pharoah flinched, and I saw him as he was during the Orichalcos mess. Then he had lost Yugi through a sudden, violent mistake. This time, he had stolen his life without even noticing.

The Pharoah said, "My friends, I looked last night for Yugi's soul room, which has always been across the hall from mine. There was nothing but wall there. After that, I spent the entire night searching for Yugi in the puzzle. Finally, I traversed across the Shadow Realm to speak with Bakura's yami, who I knew had more knowledge of this than I."

"Without realizing it, I . . . I killed him when I took off the puzzle." Tears started running down his face. "I killed him."

None of us really knew what to say. Silence hung in the air, and I'm sure all of were thinking the same, that Yugi should be alive right now. That he could be, if we weren't such "bloody idiots".

And suddenly, Joey yelled, "You F***ING idiot! He's your other half! I never got any of the spirit mumbo-jumbo, but HOW in the HELL could you do something like that by ACCIDENT?"

It was the Oricalchos mess all over again, except this time Joey had no mercy for the Pharoah, only fury because Yugi was gone. He punched him, in the face, the chest, everywhere while the Pharoah stood there and took it, until Tristan held Joey back. Tears were streaming down Joey's face by the end. He didn't have to say he would never forgive the Pharoah. It was written all over his face.

Joey stalked off, and Tristan followed after spitting in the Pharoah's direction and saying, "You disgust me."

Only I lingered to see what the Pharaoh would do. He wasn't really aware of me at that point, but he took the puzzle and slammed into the ground, screaming, "Put him back! Take me away and put him back!"

The puzzle remained whole, but the Pharoah was a shattered mess. Still, I felt no pity.

I left.

After that, we stopped hanging out. There's too much of a sense of failure surrounding us that doesn't stick as well when we're with anyone else. I hang out with my friends from dance class more, and Joey hangs with basketball jocks, while Tristan is into some business club. As for A- the Pharoah, he won't speak to anybody at all. There's no life to him now, and none of the three of us can really deal with trying to help him. Yugi would try, but Yugi's not around anymore. We are, and we just aren't that forgiving.

We can't forgive him, and we can't forgive ourselves.

A/N: Yeah, I know, not everybody likes Tea. Doing Atem, Joey and Tristan is going to be kind of tough though. Joey and Atem are melodramatic, and Tristan's a lot like Joey. I've got some ideas about how I'm going to write it, but it takes longer when I can't get into a character's head. I'm also planning on doing something with Yugi, and his head I can totally get into, so if anyone wants me to skip Tristan, Joey and/or Atem, let me know. I'll probably have the next chapter out faster then.

Also, thank you to my lovely reviewers and Novice Novelist, who motivated me to write more. You guys rock. ^_^

Drawn2Danger: I thought you were right about Joey, so I put it in. Hope it sounded more like them this time. Thanks for pointing that out. :)


	3. Purgatory

A/N: I do not own Yugioh. I just like to make them feel extreme guilt.

"_You've got sucker's luck.  
>Have you given up?<br>Does it feel like a trial?  
>Does it trouble your mind<br>The way you trouble mine?_"

— **The National**, "Exile Vilify"

You were so bright, my hikari ... so bright ...

And I killed you.

"What have I done to you?" I whisper to myself constantly. I destroyed you, and I don't even have the courage to face this monstrous act I committed. All I can do is wonder in horror at it, for you are gone because of me.

I was so selfish. I hungered for life after being in the puzzle. I hungered for experiences and friendship and all the wonderful things that I knew through you. I thought I needed it, after our adventure ended. I needed to be out where the shadows were not. You were so light, they wouldn't strong enough to affect you! Believe me, it was the shadows that did this to us; they had grown stronger and jealous. I never would have hurt you aibou, but they crept over my heart, washing away lessons learnt. They deceived us. Yugi, it wasn't me!

... except that it was. This is all my fault! This is all my fault ...

The shadows aren't to blame. They are servants, much weaker than Bakura and Marik's darker sides. They fulfill my desires. But if I had known that I desired your life, I would have found a way to leave you. I didn't think aibou ... I didn't think ...

I convinced myself that you were safe and happy in the puzzle, playing games in your soul room, that you didn't really want to be out in the big, cruel world, even though I had spent so long trying to teach you to be strong. I convinced myself you were still weak and in need of protection. I thought that by locking you away in fantasies, you would be happiest and safest.

I was fooling myself all along. I saw the look in your eyes, the loneliness. I knew it well from your memories of before, that you longed for friends in a way you should've never had to again. Just because you said nothing, I made myself believe you really didn't care to be out, that I needed to live more than you did. I told you I could never do anything to hurt you, thought myself that my every decision for you was best.

But you lost the duel, and you said that was okay, you knew you were weak. You needed protecting was what I had thought, because you had lost. I should have remembered you have a different kind of strength. No one else had such heart as you, Yugi. No one else could have stood in darkness, and beyond even remaining uncorrupted, shine like you did. Our friends could remain good in my presence, but you allowed this monster life.

Maybe that was your mistake. Maybe you were too giving ...

How could I even dare to think to blame you! You were completely innocent. You deserved to live out your life in the presence of your friends, in peace and happiness. I am completely at fault. I hold all the blame, for I am the despicable being who would start to destroy you even as you had saved me.

For I realize now, you were dying all along, ever since the Ceremonial Duel. Maybe I finished it when I took off the puzzle, but you were a shell of your former self by the time I did. Every day I kept you in longer, and you grew paler and weaker. I thought you were sick. All the more reason to keep you safe, I had thought. How foolish I was! I was the monster killing you all along!

I was evil for locking you away, but my worst regret is taking off the puzzle and finishing it. I can't even remember now why I took the foul thing off. I think just forgot it, just forgot you, as painful as that is to admit. I cannot fathom the depth of that mistake, and I have no excuses. Even the worst friend wouldn't betray someone who has gone to the Shadow Realm and back for them, and yet that is exactly what I did.

How could I be so remarkably stupid? How could I be so callous? You were my savior, my shining light, but I locked you away for naught but a breath of air. Now I have this life, and it is worthless, because I'm the one living it. It is only filled with misery, because you aren't here. Every breath, every step, every sight, is a reminder that you should be the one alive, Yugi. You should be the one here.

Why didn't I remember the Orichalcos? How did I forget its lessons with such ease? I was empty then too, I should have known ... And yet, even that was better. At least then I was not entirely in control of myself. At least then, I had a hope of redeeming myself, by rescuing you.

Why didn't you say anything, aibou? Why didn't you speak up, as you did back the first time? Why did you allow yourself to fade away?

But I cannot blame you. It is I, who am the lowest scum. I am the back-stabber, who would be as heinous as to steal their best friend's life. From this pit, there is no path to redemption or merciful death.

I cannot kill myself, and waste what wasn't mine to take.

I cannot live your life, knowing what I have done.

And I cannot forgive myself, knowing that you aren't here, that you will never be here to forgive me.

"_Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
>See that line. I never should have crossed it.<br>Stop right there. I never should have said that  
>It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back.<em>

…_'Cause who I am hates who I've been.  
>Who I am hates who I've been."<em>

**-Relient K**

A/N: Atem's not exactly a reliable narrator; these are more his continuous thoughts on the subject, but right now there isn't really a conclusion in his mind even if I made it seem like there was one. He just keeps being sorry. It's actually really repetitive being in his head when he feels this bad …

Now unrelated to the story, have you ever had a sarcastic statement, but had no way to indicate it except by writing *sarcasm? Well, I found out there's an awesome thing called an irony mark, made exactly for the purpose of indicating sarcasm and irony. It's on Wikipedia, it looks like a backwards question mark, and is better than an exclamation mark in my opinion. Look it up.

Anyway, next up is Joey, who will still be guilty, but not nearly as wangsty as Yami, I think.


End file.
